I was headed back to my old place to pick-up another load when my phone rang. It was Lisa....."Carrie, you need to call Justin. He needs you." My first thought was that my Nana was in the hospital - it was the only logical explanation. Nothing could have prepared me for the words that were about to come from Lisa's mouth. "It's Bob..... He's in the hospital.... Paralyzed from the neck down.... It's not good"
The wind was knocked out of me. I had just seen Bob that summer and he was fine!
I had made a visit to Camden to spend a weekend with my Nana for her birthday. During that visit I was able to spend a lot of time with Lisa, Justin, my Nana and Bob. The last day I spent with Bob was a blessing and for some reason (a blessing from God) I'm able to remember almost every moment of it. Lisa wasn't able to drive me to the airport - something had come up and Bob said he would make the almost two hour drive to the airport. Bob was running behind from working with the horses that morning. As we drove away, I remember looking out the window and just having an overwhelming feeling of sadness. My heart was hurting and I couldn't figure out why. Those two hours were the last that I would spend with Bob. I'm so thankful that Justin spent most of the time sleeping so that Bob and I were able to talk about anything and everything. When we arrived at the airport, Bob asked if I wanted him to park the car and come inside with me. I told him not to worry - I'd be fine and that he didn't need to waste the money (Bob never worried about wasting money on these types of things) - I still regret that decision but am so thankful for the hug and kiss good-bye.
I later received a call from Lisa with an update - Bob was going to die and there was nothing that could be done to fix him. This can not be happening. I couldn't breath and the pain in my chest and heart was so bad that I fell to the ground. Bob wasn't done. My brother needed him. Lisa needed him. We all needed Bob.
After Bob's accident on the 12th of December (where he fell from a horse and landed wrong) he lived for five days - finally passing on December 17th surrounded by those who loved him. During those five days, he was in pain but he welcomed anyone and everyone to come and say their good-byes. I wasn't able to make the trip - another one of my biggest regrets in life but I did write down my thoughts (which I have saved in a special place), set a call and with my brother in the room thanked Bob for being apart of my family and told him just how much I loved him. For loving my brother as if he was his own. For always showing the most unconditional love and support. For loving my Nana and always making sure that she was OK. For being there for Lisa through thick and thin and for being such a huge part of my life and so much more.
I can't remember a time in my life where Bob wasn't in it and during those many years where he taught us a lot of lessons, he taught me the most important one in his final days. No matter how awful I feel, how hard something is and how much I want quit.....I can't. Bob would have loved to take on my "problems" to continue living - because he truly did live. He loved life and he made others around him love their life. He was a funny man. He was a wonderful man. I could never stare death in the face as gracefully as he did. He knew he was going to die. He finalized his will and wishes for after his death. Who can do that without freaking out as they watch the clock tick by to their final moment? Who can stomach people coming in to say good-bye? Bob did. I try to remember each day that it could be my last - Life can go as quickly as it came and we should each tell those we love how much we love them...any chance we get.
Bob had just turned 65 years young when he left us. He is missed.
