Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Bob

December 12, 2008 will be a day that I will forever remember. It was such a happy time in my life - I had just signed a lease to my very own apartment after ending a long-term relationship. I remember thinking as I laid on the ground basking in my freedom.....nothing could ruin this day. I'm so happy! I could not have been more wrong.

I was headed back to my old place to pick-up another load when my phone rang. It was Lisa....."Carrie, you need to call Justin. He needs you." My first thought was that my Nana was in the hospital - it was the only logical explanation. Nothing could have prepared me for the words that were about to come from Lisa's mouth. "It's Bob..... He's in the hospital.... Paralyzed from the neck down.... It's not good"

The wind was knocked out of me. I had just seen Bob that summer and he was fine!

I had made a visit to Camden to spend a weekend with my Nana for her birthday.  During that visit I was able to spend a lot of time with Lisa, Justin, my Nana and Bob. The last day I spent with Bob was a blessing and for some reason (a blessing from God) I'm able to remember almost every moment of it. Lisa wasn't able to drive me to the airport - something had come up and Bob said he would make the almost two hour drive to the airport. Bob was running behind from working with the horses that morning. As we drove away, I remember looking out the window and just having an overwhelming feeling of sadness. My heart was hurting and I couldn't figure out why. Those two hours were the last that I would spend with Bob. I'm so thankful that Justin spent most of the time sleeping so that Bob and I were able to talk about anything and everything. When we arrived at the airport, Bob asked if I wanted him to park the car and come inside with me. I told him not to worry - I'd be fine and that he didn't need to waste the money (Bob never worried about wasting money on these types of things) - I still regret that decision but am so thankful for the hug and kiss good-bye.


I later received a call from Lisa with an update - Bob was going to die and there was nothing that could be done to fix him. This can not be happening. I couldn't breath and the pain in my chest and heart was so bad that I fell to the ground. Bob wasn't done. My brother needed him. Lisa needed him. We all needed Bob.

After Bob's accident on the 12th of December (where he fell from a horse and landed wrong) he lived for five days - finally passing on December 17th surrounded by those who loved him. During those five days, he was in pain but he welcomed anyone and everyone to come and say their good-byes. I wasn't able to make the trip - another one of my biggest regrets in life but I did write down my thoughts (which I have saved in a special place), set a call and with my brother in the room thanked Bob for being apart of my family and told him just how much I loved him. For loving my brother as if he was his own. For always showing the most unconditional love and support. For loving my Nana and always making sure that she was OK. For being there for Lisa through thick and thin and for being such a huge part of my life and so much more.

I can't remember a time in my life where Bob wasn't in it and during those many years where he taught us a lot of lessons, he taught me the most important one in his final days. No matter how awful I feel, how hard something is and how much I want quit.....I can't. Bob would have loved to take on my "problems" to continue living - because he truly did live. He loved life and he made others around him love their life. He was a funny man. He was a wonderful man. I could never stare death in the face as gracefully as he did. He knew he was going to die. He finalized his will and wishes for after his death. Who can do that without freaking out as they watch the clock tick by to their final moment? Who can stomach people coming in to say good-bye? Bob did. I try to remember each day that it could be my last - Life can go as quickly as it came and we should each tell those we love how much we love them...any chance we get.


Bob had just turned 65 years young when he left us. He is missed. 




Tuesday, December 11, 2012

There will be no Christmas

....in this house! My cats have been non stop annoying since I put the small Christmas tree up. They were eating the fake leaves and playing with all of the ornaments. Really very annoying. Especially after I started to find puke in my house filled with the fake leaves they ingested. Awesome.

Today I finally had enough. The tree is down and there will be a little less holiday cheer in this house! Up next.....Finding new homes for these animals.

Monday, December 10, 2012

MIA

I've been a little MIA the last week or so.....I however have a really great excuse! I've been working my butt off for work - now that the Plunge is over, I can kick my feet up and relax a little more and this past weekend I did just that!

I was overly excited that on Sunday I was getting to spend some time with my good friends Megan and Steph. Steph and Mike just had a little baby girl and she is perfect! I've gotten to see their sweet little baby before but both time was never able to hold or love on her (once was a chance meeting in Target and the other time while I was working the Plunge). I just have to say....I forgot just how much I love myself a little baby. I'm pretty sure it showed that I was over the moon happy to be holding, feeding, burping and talking to their 2 month old. I may have even offered to quit my job and be their nanny......

Really what is there NOT to love about a baby? I remember when Samantha and Balin were both really young - I would beg my sister to let me feed them, change them and give them bathes. Basically, I wanted to care for them 24/7 and I loved it. I even enjoyed the 4am feedings - it's just the two of you and it's such a special time. A time that I have with the both of them that I will hold close to my heart always. As they grow and become "less cute" and do things that make me shake my head - I will always remember that there once was a sweet human in that body and that one day, they will return. My Nephew Balin is still super sweet....my the 17 year old Samantha, well she's 17. You get the point.

Anyway, back to my friends sweet baby.....I really can't wait to hold her again. I will more than likely be calling and begging Steph to allow me to come over and give her a break. I can't wait to have my very own little ones someday soon - God willing.