Life Saver

The day I told my Brother he was going to become an Uncle, I sent him an ultrasound photo of the baby waving. He was beyond excited and for the next 3 months would check-in on me and the baby. He couldn’t wait to become an Uncle and I couldn’t wait for our family to have a new little human to take us to this next stage in life. We were going to focus more on spending big holidays together, the new baby’s birthday....I even jokingly (half serious) asked Justin if he would move to Pittsburgh and be my manny (and do my hair for free!)

The morning my brother died, I was 6 months pregnant. My pregnancy was the only thing that prevented me from neglecting myself and falling further down the dark hole I found myself. This little human forced me to have a very small glimmer of hope and excitement. 

Over the course of the next 3 months, I struggled greatly with depression and anxiety. Nora’s birthday marked the 3 month anniversary of my brothers death to the day, almost the hour, that I discovered he was unresponsive in his apartment. I cried uncontrollably after Nora entered the world. It was the first moment of true happiness I had experienced in 3 months. It was overwhelming. The message from God and my brother, did not go unnoticed. I’ve always believed that God has a hand in EVERYTHING and the fact that on Friday, January 30, 2015, I swore I would never leave my bed, be happy on or celebrate anything on the 30th of any month, ever again....well...God made sure that I had a reason and that reason was Nora. I am so thankful to Him.  

I hate to put so much responsibility on Nora but she is truly the reason I survived. She gave me a reason to get up, feed myself, shower, leave the house....she provided hours of cuddles and love...which was so much of what I needed. 

I found that there is really nothing out there over the loss of a sibling. It’s almost as if we’re expected to throw it under the rug and move on. I’ve unfortunately known a few people who have also experienced the loss of a brother at a young adult age. I reached out to one of those friend and her response stung me. She said I can’t understand your grief because each relationship is different. That statement, in my current state of mine shut me down. I retreated back inside my own head. I now understand what she meant. I respect it and believe it. But at the time it stung. I felt that there was nobody else in the world who could remotely understand the pain I felt.

4 years ago, I expected my life to go something like this....My younger sister would probably pass away at an early age (40’s - she has a disability and many health issues) - I’m mentally prepared for that. My older siste is 14 years older. I always expected she would pass before me. Justin.....I expected he and I would live to our 80’s and would help the other through life. Even as I type this....tears flow because I still can’t bring myself to believe reality. It’s so painful and easier to deal with that hard fact at a later date.

I’m just so thankful for God. I sometimes think of how my life would have gone if I wasn’t expecting Nora. I’m not proud to say this but I expect I would have destroyed my relationship with my husband. I would have probably left my job, moved home with my parents and continued in a downward spiral. God knew what was coming my way, he prepared me to be as strong as possible. He gave me a huge light in my life. He blessed me with a husband, who no matter how hard I tried, continues to stay by my side and support me. Listen to me cry. And tell me it’s going to be okay. It will be okay. I will always cry for the loss of my best friend and the future we should have enjoyed. But I will continue to breath. I will continue to walk with faith and hope and I will continue to live. There will be days where the pain knocks me down. I still struggle to talk about my loss person to person....which is why I’ve started to blog. I don’t promote my blog and I’m not even sure anyone reads, which is probably best : ) but I needed/wanted an outlet to write down my random and jumbled thoughts.

Slushing Around

So much snow. Slightly comical. An unexpected and historical blizzard. God is a funny man. He’s definitely always taken the worst situations and found a way to make them slightly laughable. During those days....I remember so much and yet nothing at all. The memories are almost trivial. I’m not sure if that’s due to me blocking so much out and tucking information away for another day or if I really couldn’t process my situation.

My new Trenton boots. I found myself wishing I had packed warmer and thicker socks. The snow was up to my knees. I should have gone with a higher boot. By day 3, my new boots had sprung a leak. Great. My brother had L.L.Bean boots....he had just purchased them in November. Probably wore them a handful of times. I wished my feel would fit in his shoe. He had told me to go with the same brand but I’d found these cute boots on Nordstrom.com and “needed” them.

We would walk to dinner, walk to my brothers apartment, fight to get out of the cars and hike over a mountain of snow...to walk on a sidewalk. How were we supposed to pack up his apartment if we could hardly navigate the city. I found myself standing in a grocery store,!frozen. Completely frozen. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t make a sound or move. I could just stand there motionless and pray that this moment would pass. I needed to make it one moment at a time.

I hate Chicago. If I ever go back, it will be too soon. The very mention of the name makes my belly turn. Thankfully the sudden tears have subsided. The snow was a distraction. Those first nights, weeks....I would wake from my sleep sobbing uncontrollably. I would roll over, take a sip of water and a pill and go back to sleep. Sleep helped pass the time but reality would find its way in and remind me that we weren’t here for vacation, we were here to collect my brothers things and send him home, where we would say hood-bye.

The smell of his apartment. The placement of his things..all burned in my memory. If I close my eyes, I can almost imagine myself curled up on his bed, hugging his pillow and taking in his smell. When we were younger he was almoOCD over his bed. He would yell if I touched it “CARRIE! You’re messing it up!” - I would laugh.

3.5 years later and I can’t bring myself to accept that he’s gone. How can this world be so harsh. How can I be left, to live the rest of my life without him in it. Completely unfair. Maybe one day I’ll come to terms...but as Justin’s 36 Birthday approaches I know this won’t be the year I find peace.

1 Year

One year.

I never realized just how much you life can change in one year. I've never taken the time to pay attention.

One year ago today, I was 9 months and 1 week pregnant. We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl. We just knew we would love our baby.

My parents came out, we enjoyed dinner at Chick-fil-a and Doug and I went home to pack, knowing the next time we were home, we would be a family of 3.

Nora, she is the joy of my life. 3 months prior to her birth, I lost my brother. The past 15 months have been the worst and best of my life. I feel so lost and empty without my brother but so whole with my Nora. She's my dream come true.

There are things that she does that remind me of my brother. He feels so close in those moments. Then she does something so "Nora" and it hurts me not to have the ability to share with my brother.

I know all siblings are close but Justin was my person. I loved him and looked up to him. Not having him makes me feel empty. Having Nora fills a small part of that void but gosh I miss him.

Happy 1 year Nora. You are the light of my life. I love you to the moon and back. Thank you for letting me be your mommy. You are my world.

MIA

I knew that was going to happen! So what the heck have I been doing for the last few months? I'll start with the most recent and try and work my way back!

I started coaching again! A few years ago, I started coaching and I love it. Work got crazy and I had to take a year off and only offer my time as a sub. This year, I'm back and coaching Learn to Skate, private lessons and helping with the synchronized team, when needed. I'm pretty happy and wish I could do this as my "real job" but I'm just not sure I'm the brave, leave your job and depend on X amount of lessons per week, type of person. Maybe when I get married : ) The below photo is of my Niece, Samantha and Nephew, Balin. I taught Sam to skate when she was two - she didn't remember much and pretty much hated being on the ice. Balin thought it was fun until he fell. He then wanted off the ice. It was pretty much a huge bust. Oh well.

My Nephew, Balin and Niece, Samantha

 

My Parents came out for their first PITT game - which just happened to be against FL St. who we do not like at ALL (we're a U of FL Gator family!). PITT lost and there was nothing worse than seeing happy FSU fans. I quickly responded to any FSU bragger with "I'm really a Gator fan (said with the Gator chomp movement). That shuts them up pretty quick.

 

 

Bret and his wife, Jaimy, came out to Pittsburgh for the game. Jaimy went to FSU but despite that flaw, she's pretty awesome. We went to dinner Sunday night and then as an extra bonus, their randomly purchased tickets were in the row over from ours!! It was great spending the weekend with them.

 

I turned 30 - that was pretty awful I basically had a HUGE meltdown and spent the following month miserable. I'm still pretty bitter but I think I've let go of the disappointment of not reaching life goals I'd set and realized that I can't hold myself to goals/dreams I set when I was 16. Goals and dreams change and I am proud of everything I've accomplished during my 30 years of life.

 

Lost 20 pounds! My weight has been a HUGE struggle the last few years and I thankfully found a wonderful doctor who has really worked with me to find the issue and help me reach my goals. I have a long way to go until I hit my target weight but it feels great to finally see the scale go down. I wish all 20 pounds melted off my waist and belly BUT it's slowly coming off on all areas of my body. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the weight loss continues and realized that I probably wont be the size 0 I was in high school/college BUT I will take a 6 or a 4 : )

 

Hit the two year mark with Doug and hope to spend many more happy years together!

 

I think that's it!

 

 

  





Gas or Electric??

It's always the small details that get me. This past weekend, Doug and I set out to find a new dryer (I guess really, I set out to buy a new dryer and he was along for the ride....since it's going in my house and I'm the one spending the $$). Again.....the details. ANYWAY. I'd been told to stop down to the Sears Scratch and Dent location.....Not being one to pass up a great deal, we braved traffic and headed to the city. Can you say commission?! I'm pretty sure when I opened the door to the dryer a sales guys head came out to ask me if I had any questions. I found one that I kinda liked but felt that I needed to go, do some research and talk this over with Doug while eating lunch and drinking a beer.

"Well, we're going to go grab a bite and talk this over".......I'm pretty sure after I said that I could hear the rubber squealing against the floor from the sales guys shoes. He couldn't get away fast enough. Alright then.

We made a quick lunch break at Penn Brewery and hit the road.....back to the suburbs and decided to stop at h.h.greg (this is new to our area and I'm a fan) - I went in, looked around and headed over to the dishwashers (I'd found a dryer that I thought would work and had moved on to bigger and better deals). Doug then comes to find me and points me in the direction of this beauty. I may have seen lights shining down. It was everything that I had ever dreamed of (but unwilling to pay the price for!). It has steam and lots of other options that I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to do with. I mean a drying rack! Event better....this baby was an out of the box deal (someone bought it but it wouldn't fit in their house so it had to come back - more on that below) and I'm telling you.....I paid like $700 under the original price. A-freaking-mazing! I may never find such a great deal again in my life.

 

 

Just one very small problem.....It's electric and I have a gas connection. Opps. By the time I figured it out, I had already removed the door to the basement, could hear the delivery truck coming and talked things through with my Dad. It's apparently an easy fix.....and I wasn't returning this dryer. If I have to wait till I move into a new house (I'm not planning on moving), I would have waited. lol

 

By the way, if you haven't lived in Pittsburgh, you need to understand that doors are small. To bring in the couch, we had to take off the door frame. I believe it measures 28 inch but you lose an inch with the door. 

A sore body can only mean one thing.....Another great event!

This past weekend, we packed our bags and headed up to "Happy Valley" (State College, PA) for the 2013 Beaver Stadium Run - Seeing as how I went to PITT, I'm never thrilled to be surrounded by thousands of people dressed in blue and white, who believe that PSU is the best place in the world because....They would be wrong. PITT is! The only thing worse would be a visit to WVU.



Putting my school spirit aside and slapping on my adult work hat....I gave my best smile and realized that this is a great fundraiser and friendraiser for Special Olympics PA. What I wont do for the Athletes! The event (a 5K Run or 1 Mile fun walk) raised over $350,000 (which fell just behind the top fundraising event for SOPA, the Pittsburgh Plunge - woohoo!) and had over 3,500 participants. Amazing.

Many people has asked why I love my job. It's simple. I love the Athletes. I'll leave you with a few photos and videos. The video's are of Greg - an Athlete who is running his first 5K - his motivation....seeing his parents at the finish line.


Greg's first 5K

Greg gets some new kicks!

Gregs Running Team

 

 

Greg and his running team (Greg is in the hat next to the guy with the blue sock things)

 

Crossing the line with Franco Harris cheering everyone on!

 

 

I wish I could remember this Athletes name....But he finished and WON an award. He later went to the DJ booth and said..."I'm the only kid in a wheelchair and I won an award"

 

Special Olympics PA has been so good for my heart.

 

Cat Kong

The other day I was making a visit to my cats favorite store.....PetSmart! PetSmart for me ranks with Target......I can go in either store and find around 100 extra things I never knew I needed but am pretty sure that the items will make my life so much better.

This last visit, I picked up a cat kong - it was on sale and I figured, what the heck! This thing has been a HUGE hit at the Hucker house. My oldest cat Edgar, whos 10 (pushing 11), is a pro at rolling the kong and getting treats to fall out.

It keeps them busy....and sadly makes them tired. Lazy cats.

Closet Update....

My house is 56 years old and judging by the size of the closets, people didn't have a ton of clothes 56 years ago. It's 2013 and this home owner was having a huge issue with the one rod closet........

For Christmas, I asked my parents for a closet organizer and new doors.....well Santa delivered. Now, after months of looking at the box in the basement, I decided I would tackle the task of putting my new awesome unit up - the motivation.....This will make getting dressed and hanging clothes up more exciting.....

1.5 hours later and with the help of my snazzy hand drill (thanks Dad and Mom), I was looking at this!

 

I'm pretty happy and for now.....I can find things!

 

I think I"ve got friends.....that I can't see

That's right....I said it, I think I have a ghost(s).

I believe in spirits and "ghosts" and have always had a strange "six sense" if you will. My Grandfather (my Dad's Dad) passed shortly after I was born. My Dad has said that my Grandfather was so proud of me and couldn't get over how small I was (I was born 3 months early and just a little thing when I went home). Growing up, I've always had a mental picture of a sterile room, my Grandfather and him holding me --- remember, I was just months old before my Grandfather passed and all my parents have said is that he loved me so very much and that I made him happy in his last months (he died of lung cancer)

Growing up, I would always say, Grandpas in the hallway. My parents passed it off as me being silly. When I was 4 years old, they started to believe. We were on vacation, I was outside playing....My brother and I crossed a road that we were told not to cross. We could hear our names being called....TROUBLE! My brother held my hand. Carrie, we cross on 3 (I'm about 4 and he's 5).....1.....2....drops my hand and runs without me. I get scared and start to run....without looking. A car of teens is headed right for me. I freeze. My parents and cousin will tell you that something picked me up and moved me out of the way of the car. There is no other reason that I wasn't hit by the car other than God (and I like to believe my Grandfather)

When I was around 12, my Dad's Uncle passed away. I met him once, just before he passed. That night, I was sleeping, I had a dream of a woman searching through a phonebook, white lights and my Great Uncle rushing down a hallway.....That next morning, I walked upstairs for breakfast with my Grandma, Mom, Dad, Aunt and Uncle....I sat down and said, Uncle George died. A few moments later, the hospital called. My Uncle had passed.

Many years later, I'm in college. I wake-up early in the morning from a deep sleep, look at the clock and start to cry. That morning, my Dad called, my Grandmother had passed away unexpectedly at the exact moment I woke. I actually told him what time she had passed before he could tell me

So you can say that I've embraced my "six sense" - The Bible talks about spirits and I believe in them.

I moved into this house a few years ago and my laundry has always found it's way out of the dryer and onto the floor....My cats are awful but they aren't smart enough to open the door and throw everything on the floor.

Then I started to hear voices.....I thought maybe I was going crazy. It will be super silent in the house...I'll start to hear very faint talking...nothing that I can understand. I often thing that it sounds like men playing poker. I get annoyed and want to yell "keep in down" to the people sharing the wall....then I remember.....I live alone, I don't share walls and there isn't a good reason other than I'm sharing my house.

Just the other day, I felt cold. I checked the heat.....It had been turned off. Well my cats are 5 ft tall and I didn't do it!

Anyway, I embrace spirits. I don't feel as if they are here to hurt me. Some may think I'm crazy.....I just think I've always felt someone special around me and keeping me safe.

If they start to cut the lights, hurt me or my pets.....then I'm calling in Grandpa. Until then, we can all share the house : )

Is this normal??

I'm an Event Planner by day....and night and all I have to say about that is......I am my Fathers Daughter. I would lose it if I couldn't plan my life out by a calender or a clock....even on vacation I like to know how long things will take, how long travel time will be just so I can ensure I'm fitting in as much as I can.

What do I mean by that? Well, everything for me has a schedule. For example.....I had a birthday dinner tonight. It started at 6:30pm and this is how my brain works after ending work.....

6:30pm - Dinner
6:25pm - Park car and walk to dinner
6:00pm - (15 min drive) - Drive to work, may hit traffic but have some wiggle room.
5:45pm - Leave house, pick-up wine and hit the bank
5:30pm - get ready to leave...fix hair and make-up.

It's sick.

My Dad's brain works the same way - he hates to be late. He always says....If you're early you're on time, if you're on-time, you're late and if you're late.....don't show-up.

Sometimes I wish I could tell my brain to forget about a clock and all that jazz but that would drive me 10 times more crazy.

Can you say YUMMY!!!

I made this last night for dinner and it was a-freaking-mazing! Lick the dish, get in my belly, is it time for lunch so I can heat up leftovers, good! (I took the photo mid dinner and yes, we ate at the couch last night)

You can get the recipe here -  http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/cajun-chicken-alfredo-recipe/index.html

You may notice that my pasta looks nothing like the photo on the website....I made a few changes...

- I added a whole onion. We love onions and when cooking we pretty much feel you should have an onion with every everything.
- I added about a 1/2 cup of white wine. I used a pinot grigio - I figured I would have to drink the rest of the bottle, why not pour in something I enjoy.
-I added a whole bag of cheese - it was well worth the extra calories.
-I took some of the sauce and poured it over my noodles while my sauce was cooking down....to keep them from sticking (I didn't time my sauce and noodles correctly)

I think that's it - This was not in my points range but so worth it and to be honest, it was really super easy to make.

Life....It's so short.

Each day I wake up and I try to remember, it could be my last. However, I sometimes forget this. I continue on with my life as if I have 100 years to spare and as if everyone around me will be here always.

I've been crazy busy the last few months with work. My relationships, I feel, have been neglected. My phone calls and time spent with Doug, friends and family have been minimal and that's not OK.

I feel that I need to mention, I love my co-workers and the volunteers who I spend much of my time working with. They are awesome people and if I'm going to share my time away from those I love the most, I'm in great company.

This past weekend, Doug and I planned to spend the weekend together (we both took off work on Monday for an extra day). It was exactly what we needed. We went to a party, cooked breakfast, went out for dinner and beers, watch movies, laughed, went shopping, at breakfast at 11am, lunch at 3pm and dinner at 7pm - it was wonderful. We need to do this more often. When we first started dating, we spent every Saturday together out and about. Over the last year, as work for me have become more and more crazy, I find that I've made this less and less of a priority. Shame on me.

I use to travel home once a month to spend a long weekend with my parents - March has been the exception to the rule this year but I haven't been doing that. Going home once an month is something that's really important to me. I wont have my parents forever and I want as much time with them as I can get. I need to be better at this.

I've been trying to grab a weeknight dinner with a friend and forget about the 100 other things I "should" be doing because the laundry, extra hours of work and the other 98 things I "should" be doing, wont really matter if I lose a moment with someone I love and care about.

I need to remember to say "I love you" "Thank you for your time! You're an awesome person" "Thank you for being my friend" and 100 other things I should say to show those around me just how much I care.

Malkin!

Nine years ago, I "adopted" my first pair of cats as an adult. I was super excited due to the fact that I love cats and if I love anything more, it's a kitten! Malkin (L) and Stallzy (R) were born on in a yard and needed a home - I was more than happy to bring them to my home.

These two are sisters and raised by the same Mom, me! They couldn't be more different. Stallzy (R) is friendly, smart, annoying and ready to get into anything that isn't cat friendly. Malkin (R) is shy, scared and sweet all rolled into one. She was born with an eye issue and after a visit to the eye specialist at a young age, it was determined that there is nothing that can be done. She could have eye surgery but it would be painful and the results would only be temporary. I've never been able to pick her up and hold her....sometimes she will allow pets, if you are sitting and she comes to you.

This photo is so big for one reason.......After 9 years, I was finally able to walk in the room, sit on the couch, get up and come back.....all without her running away. She just sat there. Maybe it's the old age kicking in. Maybe shes finally realizing that I'm not going to hurt her. Whatever it is....It made me pretty happy.

 

 

I needed that....

So much that I had to share before I run out the door....... I lost 2.4 lbs this past week! Even better, I was able to button my fat jeans. I had thought that my legs and butt were looking a little more fit and that my hips felt smaller but I wasn't ready to give it a try, until today, when I realized I didn't have any clean pants to wear to my meeting (I work from home - It's always a big deal when I need to leave and look like a normal person!) Well, my muffin top is there but to be honest, the black shirt and sweater cover it enough that I could really care less. These pants fit and it's really all I care about today!

I was home this past weekend for a black tie dinner, my Dad took me out to buy an outfit since I can't fit into any of my dresses.....Well, I left in tears after trying on 10 dresses and looking awful in each one. I went out on my own the next day and found the most perfect dress. I still felt fat and under dressed but it's the little things that count right now when it comes to clothing.

Fingers crossed that this continues......

I love this face....

 

This is my Nephew, Balin. He's 6 and I just love him more and more each day and I just love getting to know this little dude over the summers.

This is the best cat in the world, Buddy. He has a temper issue and when he gets angry....he will walk over a hit you.

Update.....

As I mentioned, I joined Weight Watchers about three weeks ago. The first week (I based my weight off a doctors visit the week before), I lost 7 pounds. I was pretty excited. Basically, all I've done is gain. I'm 3lbs under where I started.

This is overly aggravating. I've been following the program and working out like a crazy person. That said, this is what I expected. I'm trying my best to keep a positive attitude, trying to not let this break me or turn me to tears daily but it's hard!

My main purpose in joining WW was to follow a program and report the lack of progress....I was keeping my fingers crossed that I would be proven wrong. I'm about two months out from my appointment with the specialist and eager to report my progress (or lack of) - I'm always being told that I need to change my diet....I want to walk in and be able to say see, this is what I'm eating! Now lets get to the bottom of this. All current blood tests are pointing that I gain weight when I'm stressed due to a wonderful hormone in my body. Well, I'm always stressed with work....so yeah, that works out well for me!

 

This is my proof - Ignore the bottom shelf. This is Doug's beer (and mine, which I reward myself with).

 

Hoping that this coming week is a little better.

I need a maid.....

My house and life are currently overwhelming me. I'm a total creature of habit....I'm lazy all week, except for cleaning the kitchen and picking-up after myself and then do one massive clean on Friday night. 10 years ago, I would have thought you were out of your mind if you told me I'd ever say this....but it's the truth. Nothing beats a night in, away from people, with a bottle of wine, cleaning products and some Dateline and 20/20. That said....I've been away the last three weekends for work or personal trips....which means....I haven't been cleaning b/c who really has time for that during the week with a 40+hour schedule and working out three days a week?! Not this girl!

Anyway, this weekend in BOOKED and I feel like crap (a nice winter head cold).......I'm worried I'll be wearing my PJs out to meet friends :) Oh well.....I feel a personal day coming my way.

Home is where the heart is....

This past weekend, D and I packed up the car and headed back to my parents house for the long weekend. While I wish I lived 4.5 min away from my parents and not the 4.5 hours, I find myself really luck that I'm A) close enough where I can drive and B) that D enjoys my family enough to visit with me!

The main purpose of our trip was to attend a charity dinner auction - My parents have been involved with Freedom Hills Therapeutic Riding Program since my younger sister was just a toddler and she benefited greatly from the program. My parents have served on the BOD for years and help with the planning of the dinner auction. That said, they were super busy Friday night. D and I took the free time to meet up with an old childhood friend of mine. He and his wife just moved back to the DE area and it was wonderful to catch up. There's something to be said for the connection two people have when you can sit down and remember the smallest of childhood details that nobody in your adult life know about. I had a lot of fun and loved getting to know his wife, who is wonderful.

After we finished dinner, D and I went on a bar crawl.....it wasn't much of a crawl since I had to drive to the locations but it was nice to be out and about on my old stomping grounds.

We had a great time Saturday - we didn't really win anything that we wanted. Everything I had my eyes on was stolen from me at the last second by a rude person who would slap their number down after the table had closed. I wasn't in the mood to start a fuss but it kinda made me really upset!

We headed back Sunday AM and hit the worst weather - snow, snow and more snow! I'm really tired of the snow. Enough is enough.

It's always wonderful spending time with my parents but it's never enough. I just need to pick my life, job and friends and move them all back to Landenberg.

I joined....

Weight Watchers. I'm only on day two (so far so good!) and the most beneficial aspect of the program has been realizing just how many points the foods I eat are! I have some running around to do today and I thought, I'll swing by Panera and pick up a sandwich and a cup of soup....checked my points and NO! I will not be stopping by Panera for a sandwich (maybe the 7 or 8 points for the soup is worth it....maybe...) but I will be swinging by the store and picking up turkey and some fruits and veggies.

I joined Weight Watchers to track my weight loos and what I'm eating - I've been having a very hard time losing weight over the last 5 years after becoming really sick and needing a prolonged treatment of steroids. I have an appointment with a specialist in April (3 month wait....really?!) and wanted to show that I really do put effort in trying to lose the weight.

Many times, I feel that you go to the doctor, explain that something is wrong and they look at you and say...."you need to exercise, eat healthy, cut out sodas....blah blah blah" - I'm not lazy and I do exercise, I don't drink (a lot) of soda, and I do eat fairly healthy! After five years of an ongoing fight to figure out why I have the body and health issues of a 60+ year old lady, I'm going to track the heck out of what enters my mouth (and everything else going on) and they are going to listen!

I'll report back throughout the next 3 months but unfortunately, I'm not expecting huge progress. I also figured I had noting to lose by doing this....other than some weight : )

I was born to be a Napa girl

If I have my pick of a nice cold beer or a huge glass of wine, I'm picking the beer! Except if I'm in the most beautiful, relaxing and happy place in the USA.....Napa, CA!

 

This latest trip marked my second time to Napa and I still love it! It still feels like my second home and I'm pretty sure, I belong there. My BFF lives in Napa (she's so lucky) - having a friend in one of the most amazing spots isn't an awful thing....at all. She gives me great pointers on where I should spend my time and she never and I mean never gives me bad advice.

 

This trip was much needed. I was coming down from a few crazy and stressful months at work and life in general has been crazy. My friend and I headed out and we didn't set a schedule at all. It's truly a wonderful thing to not follow a clock. We ate, drank, laughed and had a great time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We even had time to make the drive down to my Aunt and Uncle's house in Half Moon Bay and spend the day (and night) with them! I just love them and my Uncle's cooking. Once a year they have whats called Maverick's Invitational, surfers from all over the world come out to surf waves over 60 ft high! It just so happened that this was taking place the same day and we were lucky enough to see it. It was awesome! Big thanks to my Uncle Ron for getting us tickets!

 

 

*I stole this photo but this is a photo from the event.

 

If you ever get the chance to go out, do! It's so worth it.